she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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