$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
