Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
