My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
