When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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