went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
