how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
