just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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