Plan B is the new Plan A
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
