he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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