Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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