lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
