You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic