Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.

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(435): View more from Utah

oh god the rape fog is back!

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

Nah, we all need something.

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(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(410): View more from Maryland

Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.

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(365): View more from

I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.

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(541): View more from Oregon

She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro

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(206): View more from Washington

I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.

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