and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?