Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.