You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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