Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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