My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
