i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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