Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
