remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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