Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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