Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
