There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
