3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
