can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
