morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize