What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize