I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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