worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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