come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
