good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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