i already hear my dad disowning me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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