she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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