So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
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Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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