do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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