this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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