it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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