Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
