We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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