I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
