How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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