Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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