It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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