I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
