matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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