Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
