Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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