Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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