I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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