I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
foreskin is a definite game changer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
