there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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