I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
