i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
