i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
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Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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