Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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