I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
