when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
