Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
