When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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