you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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