oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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