The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
