So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
