I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
