Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
