Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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