the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
