Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
