You can't special order awesome
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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