8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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