Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
