I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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